My name is Susan, and I'm a writer.
I'm also a single mom of a dozen children (yep, all mine).
Just like you perhaps, my story is messy and I have found myself walking a path that I never imagined and that I, quite honestly, struggle embracing.
In the fall of 2012, after a 27 year long marriage, I was forced to flee with my children to escape an abusive relationship that was about to kill me.
Now I am navigating the dark waters of single parenting a large family and helping my older children walk through, and heal from the emotional fallout of many years of abuse.
And then there's me. I didn't know it was possible to be so broken, so wounded and needy.
In the midst of all of that, God "shows up" and meets us here in our neediness, over and over.
I've written here since 2008. I've learned a lot and changed a lot as well during that time. When I first began blogging I was a homeschooling mom. I was living my little dream on my own small farm. I raised dairy goats, chicken and rabbits. I loved living in my farm home with its huge stone porch. I made soap, sold eggs and organic milk, gardened and ground wheat to make all of our bread. We all delighted in hanging out in my ginormous kitchen.
Now? I live in a safe quiet neighborhood. My only livestock is my little Corgi, Jasper. My children attend public school and eat hot dogs and frozen pizza more than I'd like to admit. But you know what? We are peaceful and happy here. Over and over my children have each thanked me for the sacrifices that I have made in leaving and beginning a new life for us.
It's a good "hard" that none of us regret.
I'm much less idealistic and more real now (remember the Velveteen Rabbit?). I'm learning that the best time to experience God's faithfulness is in the "hard" of life.
What about you? Have you also found yourself treading a path that you never anticipated or signed up for? Are you broken, weary and ready to quit? Me too.
Thankfully, our brokenness doesn't negate God's goodness. I am learning that His strength truly is perfected in my weakness as He meets me right where I am over and over again.
Daily I choose to get up and keep putting one foot in front of the other, and the Lord faithfully shows up and makes up for my inadequacies, meeting me at every turn.
My primary job right now is being a mommy and being available for my children. I know it's overused, but goodness I am blessed by each one of them. Over and over.
I write, I take pictures, I make art, I train for half-Ironman triathlons, eat chocolate and whatever else I can do to scramble out of the pit of depression and PTSD.
What will you find here? I promise you that I will write authentic stories, stories that not only are honest about my weaknesses and shortcomings, but that are also honest about the Lord's faithfulness in our lives.
I will write and show up here when I can. My desire is to be an encouragement to you, my friend, as we all tread this rocky path together. It's not good to walk alone.
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